Snatches-of-Bliss-and-Are-You-Freaking-Out-Yet?

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* Welcome *

Changed da house,
Changed da look.

BTW, my bathrobe's usually pink
and we don't have a fireplace.
Other than that,
it's pretty accurate...

Psst...click the words above to navigate.
Best viewed, unfortunately, in Internet Explorer.

Monday, April 18, 2005

~ Don't go chasing waterfalls ~

On Saturday, I had gone for an interview and came out of it an hour later feeling pretty stunned because I had been offered a job. A GOOD job. A pretty kick-ass, feisty, black-stockings-and-sexy-court-shoes, no-holds-barred, goodness-is-that-the-time? kinda good job. And a permanent, full-time one at that.

Knowing instinctively that I shouldn't jump straight into the director's arms and scream YESSSSSS! three times, I asked if I could get back to him on Monday or Tuesday. We fixed the day of reckoning on Tuesday, whereupon if I agreed, we would let me meet the rest of his staff to see if they love me or hate me, and then the letter of offer would be written up by Friday.

I spent the rest of Saturday almost fretting that I wasn't up to it, and Sunday rather giddy and content. My plan was to call a friend and former manager up on Monday - today - to check if the salary bracket I had quoted was reasonable. The interviewer had offered me less during the probation period, and I was contemplating a renegotiation.

Then he catches me unawares and calls me today. And tells me "he's been thinking". And goes on to tell me that instead of a full time, permanent thing, he's changed his mind and wants to offer me instead a casual job. 4-6 weeks. "And after the 4-6 weeks?" I ask, not quite catching on how he'd changed his tune just like that, "What happens after the 4 to 6 weeks of this casual position?"

Then apparently, that's it. And by the way, it'd be good if I don't stop myself from looking for another job. Uh huh, uh huh...

There are a couple of reasons for this, apparently. Something about the work he has not being challenging enough for me in the long run. Something else about looking for a Uni student for the job he wants. Something about the 4-6 weeks actually being fairer to me in terms of what I'm looking for. I'm still not quite sure I understand. I ask to think about the (reduced) offer and promise to get back to him tomorrow, as originally agreed. I then turn the vacuum cleaner back on again to drown my sorrows.

Hey, it's better than drink.

I vaccillate between uncertainty and sheer bafflement. I wonder what I had done to change his tune. I wonder what I didn't do that made it all different. I try to replay the Saturday in my head, and almost tricked myself into thinking that I had gotten it all wrong, and I had imagined that he had put the offer on the table. But it wasn't a hallucination; we had talked about my salary expectations. He was also trying to do a closing on me, and it was only when I backed away and asked to think about it, that we talked about reconvening on Tuesday.

And maybe that was it.

What if I had accepted on the spot? Would it have made a difference? Or would it also have reflected badly on me?

And then finally I decide that I am angry. Because it is just bad ethics, I feel, to put an offer on the table, and then unceremoniously sweep it off "after a think". Legally, I have nothing on him. But deep down in my gut, I feel almost betrayed. "I dunno about you Australians, " I steamed at the poor husband while furiously scrubbing the dishes, "but as a Chinese, I can tell you that this is VERY BAD MANNERS."

And very soon after that statement, I cried and cried because I was so disappointed and so upset. I felt I wasn't only disappointing myself, I was disappointing a household in losing a job I might never have had to begin with. I was also secretly ashamed that I had taken my anger out on the one person who is my immediate cheerleader on this, only because he was the only punching bag I have because Canberra is too small to make enemies. What a terrible thing to do.

It's only week 3 of the Job Search. I know I am terribly blessed to be called for 2 interviews within such a short period, but rejection always sucks anyway.

# posted by Velle | 8:21 pm

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