Snatches-of-Bliss-and-Are-You-Freaking-Out-Yet?

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* Welcome *

Changed da house,
Changed da look.

BTW, my bathrobe's usually pink
and we don't have a fireplace.
Other than that,
it's pretty accurate...

Psst...click the words above to navigate.
Best viewed, unfortunately, in Internet Explorer.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

~ A Good Day at the Grind ~

My life is SO NORMAL now, I've resorted to blogging about work.

Grab a cat and prepare to hurl it into the air, ladeez and gentlemen... I had a better than okay day at the office today. I clinched not one, not TWO, but THREE radio interviews for my boss and he consequently did a cheerleader wiggle in his seat and the whole clench-fists-and-turn-an-imaginary-grind routine.

You have to understand that this was done despite a lot of pet peeves.

One, I cannot STAND telemarketing. Tried it, didn't suck at it, but don't ever want to do it again in a hurry. This goes for giving a sales pitch of ANY kind - and especially when this involved begging the media.

Two, I have zilch idea about the radio stations in Melbourne. I don't know which stations deal with what kind of demographic, where Geelong ACTUALLY is (even though people have tried to draw me a bad map), and up till last year, had no real idea of the difference between talkback radio and the FM stations. I am a moron. So yes, calling up all radio stations - including every single community radio station that caters to perhaps 300,000 people in Dandenong or something - and trying to clinch a radio interview Australia-style, was terribly daunting.

Three, negotiating Australia-style has always been foreign to me. Have we talked about this before? I think Australians are too friendly. Ironically, I've heard the same sentiment said of the Americans by Australians. But yes... all this calling up, saying hello and then ASKING HOW THEIR DAY WAS... foreign concept in Singapore, especially when it's cold calls. Singaporeans are more transactional in their phone conversations. We get the connection ("Hello?"), we ask for the person in questions ("Ah Seng, ah?") and then we launch straight into the topic ("You got sell camera here or not?"). We get a little more formal with people we don't know, but other than that... it's the same pattern. We don't ask how their day was, unless we love them.

But here, no~o... I've got to work it in the conversation. Better yet, the name of my client isn't the shortest in the Guinness records either. So yes, here's what a typical cold call sounded like the whole of today:

Radio guy: 3-blah-blah-blah-F-M, this is Graeme speaking, how can I help you?
Me: Hi, Graeme? My name is Velle and I'm calling from the [INSERT 18 SYLLABLES HERE]. How's your day been so far?

Then comes the following types of responses:

Type 1 - Smooth Operator

Radio Guy: Oh, my day's been alright. What about you?
Me: Yes, it's been good too... for a Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday morning/afternoon/evening
Radio Guy: (laughs along)

Type 2 - Honest and Hesitant

Radio Guy: Uh... could you say that again?
Me: Oh, I'm calling from the [INSERT 18 SYLLABLES HERE, STUMBLE TWICE, ENDS UP BEING 28 SYLLABLES]
Radio Guy: Oh... uh, what do you do?

Type 3 - Strong and Silent

Radio Guy: Good.
Me: (Hears the crickets before filling in the silence with...) That's good to know. I faxed over a media release at around 4 yesterday afternoon... did your radio station receive it?
Radio Guy: No idea. The fax machine isn't with me.
Me: (Waits for elaboration. Nothing happens. Definitely not a radio personality.)

After the nth time, I think I've gotten the hi-how's-your-day part down pat. I have mustered the art of faking sincere friendliness.

You see, very much like the How-Do-You-Do that we were taught in primary school only to never apply them in a Singapore context, the Hi-How's-Your-Day doesn't require a REAL answer. You say Fine-Thank-You-And-Yours? back. And act very surprised when they actually tell you how their lunch was terrible.

The problem is, I've been trained to only ask people how their day was, if I really wanted to hear what they had to say. Likewise, if anyone were to ask how my day's been, I'd tell them on a scale of 1 to 10 - and then elaborate.

So yes, you see? The real triumph isn't just clinching 3 interviews... it's also the assimilation into a strange, fake-greeting culture that, up till today, had always eluded me.

So... How's Your Day Been? Fine, thanks!

# posted by Velle | 9:01 pm

2 Comments:

THAT'S IT!! You hit the Australian Nail on the head!! That's what I couldn't understand! The whole "Hi How Are you thing" when you are trying to just buy a freaking ice cream from them..... and you have to stand there and watch your ice cream melt when some weird man is talking to you about his day and all you want to do is get a REALLY big lick from your ice cream which is dripping all over his gloved hand... URGGGH! It drove me mad because a lot of the time you could see it in their eyes that they really couldn't give a rat's ass about your day... SO WHY BOTHER ASKING????

By Catriya, at 11:13 am
Precisely! I especially like it when their answers don't line up with the questions because they're so used to stringing together a generic, nice reply.

Example:
CASHIER: Hi-how-are-you...
ME: Good, good...
CASHIER:(Already assuming that I had asked the same back) ...Good-thanks.

Example 2 - and this has happened more than I can remember:
CASHIER: Hi-how-are-you-good-thanks
ME: ...?

By Velle, at 10:04 pm